Time Lord Texts
by MeMyselfAndTARDIS
Summary: Rose gets the Doctor a new phone and he realises how popular he can get over the cyber universe. A collection of some of the Doctor's unexpected conversations with the universe.
1. Introduction to Apple

**Note: **Just a bored Time Lord socialising with anyone and _everyone_ on his new phone. This idea merely spawned out of my boredom in a Maths lesson, so thank my Statistics teacher! _Time Lord Texts _is what it says on the tin. There will be an awful lot of crossovers for each chapter, so ideas are very much welcome. The possibilities are endless. Well, this could go on for a while!

I guess this also counts as a quick break from _Hesitation_? No? C'mon! Okay, for those who are reading the story, I promised to update weekly. But Maths, Physics and Chemistry like to squish me until I pop. I promise chapter 15 will be out once it's finished!

And without further ado, I shall explain this nice and clearly: I WISH I own _Doctor Who_. I don't own the show, nor do I own the Doctor and any characters mentioned in this chapter and future chapters.

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Chapter 1 – Introduction to Apple

Starring _Jack Harkness_

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"Rose, what is this?" the Doctor murmured, glaring at the most Earthly _IPhone 5 _in his hands as if they personally insulted him. He leant against the TARDIS console.

"It's called a _phone_," she chided. The Time Lord stared at her incredulously and clapped very slowly in mock applaud.

"Yes, well done, Rose."

"You know," she began, arching a brow. "When you clap, you repeatedly high-five yourself for someone else's accomplishments. So thank you." The Doctor rolled his eyes at her and jabbed at the device in his hand. It flickered to life and the 'Start up' menu appeared. The Doctor peered at the screen in slight interest. "I've put in the SIM card already," Rose announced, taking off her coat and tossing it to a nearby coral strut by the TARDIS console. "I've also downloaded some apps, but chances of you using them will be the same as me reincarnating as an olive." The Doctor barked a laugh at that remark as the blonde companion began to disappear into the TARDIS hallway. "I've given your number to a few close people. Their numbers should be logged into the contacts list. I'll be in the pool..."

The Doctor couldn't hear any more as Rose faded into the depths of the vast hallway. He shrugged and continued to experiment with the mobile phone - not that he needed to use it again, unless Rose somehow managed to persuade him like she'd always do when she wanted things her way. He sighed, seriously wondering why he needed a phone in the first place. Besides, he still had Martha's phone. Perhaps it was a little outdated... The Doctor whipped out his sonic screwdriver from his inner jacket pocket and sonicked the phone. After a few seconds, he hummed in approval. Universal Roaming should do the trick. But within a few seconds he activated the Universal Roaming mode, his phone lit up and a speech bubble icon appeared on the screen. He hesitated before tapping the icon and read the following message:

**Unknown Number: **_Doc! Heard you got the new IPhone 5! Martha's mobile not working wonders for you?_

The Doctor frowned and craned his neck towards the direction Rose walked in not so long ago. Then he looked back at his phone and proceeded to write a reply.

**The Doctor: **I'm sorry, who's this? Sorry, I'm pretty bad with names and you know… I'm pretty busy dashing around the universe in such a short amount of time.

**Unknown Number: **_Aw, can't you tell? It's your friendly neighbourhood ex-Time Agent!_

**The Doctor: **_How in the name of Rassilon did you get my number?!_

**Jack: **_Martha gave it to me, fool! LOL_

**The Doctor: **_"LOL"?_

**Jack: **_Oh, you got a LOT to learn…_

**The Doctor: **_Am I missing something?_

**Jack: **_Urgh, nvm._

**The Doctor: **_What?_

**Jack: **_NEVERMIND._

**The Doctor: **_No tell me!_

**Jack: **_I did! "Nvm" means nevermind. LOL._

**The Doctor: **_What does "LOL" mean?!_

**Jack: **_Laugh Out Loud._

**The Doctor: **_… That is SO human…_

**Jack: **_I'd take that as a compliment?_

**The Doctor: **_You humans are so lazy to type the full thing! Anyway, this autocorrection thing is bugging me… I KNOW HOW TO SPELL BY MYSELF, THANK YOU VERY MUCH._

**Jack: **_Ah… One of Apple's greatest flaws… So wuu2?_

**The Doctor: **_What?_

**Jack: **_What are you up to?_

**The Doctor: **_Oh, just chilling in the TARDIS. Rose is here. She says "hi". Much llamas to you from Rose._

**Jack: **_Eh?_

**The Doctor:** _Whoops! Butter fingers. How do you tell off autoerrection?_

**Jack:** _You're turning me on and you're not even in front of me. :P_

**The Doctor:** _Stop it. How do I tell off autocorrect?!_

**The Doctor:** _HOW DO I TELL OFF ON AUTOCORRECTION?!_

**Jack:** _Enjoying Apple's finest phone?_

**The Doctor:** _This was Rose's idea to get me a mobile phone… Says I'm too hard to get a hold of when we're out and about. Oooh, I got a message from her, wait a sec… I just need to text her back._

**Jack:** _You're in the TARDIS and you're sending text messages to each other? Talk about being sociable…_

**The Doctor:** _Did I forget to mention she's miles away from me inside the TARDIS enjoying a relaxing swim at the pool?_

**Jack:** _Sounds nice! Well, you got her, I got my Ianto. Wanna swap?_

**The Doctor:** _Stop it. What does "IDK", "IDC" and "TTYL" mean?_

**Jack:** _I Don't Know, I Don't Care and Talk To You Later._

**The Doctor:** _Fine, I'll ask her herself. Blimey…_


	2. Fixed Point in Time

**Note: **It's a short one, but I'm gonna post a new chapter of _Hesitation_! Horray!

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Chapter 2 – Fixed Point in Time

Starring _Batman _and _Superman_

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**Batman:** Why do you always change in a phonebooth?

**Superman:** I like them. Makes me look pretty cool. Every hero must have some sort of a dynamic entry.

**Batman:** Have the public ever wanted to use the public phone but you were still changing in there?

**Superman:** Now that you mentioned it, that has never happened… A blue one showed up on Krypton once. My father said it's where heroes come from.

**Batman:** Was it by any chance bigger on the inside?

**Superman:** YES! I think my paediatrician owned it. He's the one who told Jor-El to send me to Earth. He said that being the last makes us stronger.

**Batman:** Paediatrician?

**Superman:** I know what you are thinking… Man of Steel had a doctor when he was little…

**Batman:** He doesn't go by the name "Doctor", doesn't he?

**Superman:** Oh he does!

**Batman:** I'm familiar with the Doctor. I'm surprised he didn't save Krypton.

**_[The Doctor has joined the conversation.]_**

**The Doctor:** Fixed point in time. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry.


	3. 5 Minutes

**Note: **I'm _so_ creative I'm running out of ideas for this... :L

Please feel free to suggest a bunch of fandoms the Doctor can come across! :D

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Chapter 3 – 5 Minutes

Starring _Thor_

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**Thor:** MY FRIEND! I HAVE DISCOVERED SOMETHING OF GREAT REVELATION!

**The Doctor:** Brilliant! Sorry, I'm a little busy with something right now… Maybe we can talk later?

**Thor:** BUT THE FLYING METAL MAN OF RED AND GOLD HAS SHOWN ME SOMETHING GREAT. YOU MUST LISTEN, MY MAN OF TIME.

**The Doctor:** It's TIME LORD. And why are you typing in capitals?

**Thor:** MY FRIEND, YOU HAVE A LOT TO LEARN. A GOD MUST BE HEARD CLEARLY AND WRITING IN CAPITALS IS SEEN TO BE MORE LEGIBLE.

**The Doctor:** You DO know you're not SPEAKING directly to me…?

**Thor:** YOU AMUSE ME, MY MAN OF TIME.

**The Doctor:** Right, well, I've really gotta go… Thing's to do, worlds to save and all…

**Thor:** OH, BUT MY MAN OF THE LITTLE BLUE BOX. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS; SURELY YOU CAN HEAR ME OUT?

**The Doctor:** Yes, and if I don't reply in the next five minutes, the Universe will mourn and every single race will be at your doorstep with pitchforks and torchlights demanding why you killed the most amazing man in this Universe.

**Thor:** OH, BUT THIS IS WORTH YOUR TIME. THROUGH THE POWER OF THE MIDGUARDIAN SYMBOLS AND A SERIES OF LETTERS YOU CALL, "THE ALPHABET", ONE CAN EXPRESS THEMSELVES. :D BEHOLD. I AM SMILING.

**The Doctor:** … Is THAT it?

**Thor:** :D

**The Doctor:** You just wasted my precious time over this…? Thor, if my time senses are correct, I could have save eleven trillion bananas from going extinct in the year 40 thousand.

**Thor:** :D :D

**The Doctor:** Okay, I think I get your point now.

**Thor:** IT'S AMAZING, ISN'T IT? BUT I MUST HOLD OUR CONVERSATION TO A TEMPORARY END. THE ANGRY GREEN ONE HAS SHOWN ME SOMETHING ELSE.

**_[Last message sent 5 minutes ago.]_**


	4. The Doctor, the doctor and the Introvert

**Note: **Hehe... I bet you saw this crossover coming...

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Chapter 4 – The Doctor, the doctor and the Introvert

Starring _Sherlock Holmes _and _John Watson_

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**John:** Hello, Doctor. It's been a long time, and I hope you still remember me! Anyway, I'm just texting to tell you that you're invited to my small birthday celebration. We're just going to head down to the pub and have some pints. JW.

**The Doctor:** John Watson! Oh, it certainly has been a while. Yes, that sounds brilliant! You're gonna have to remind me from time to time about this event because… Well… Let's just say time gets way ahead of me.

**John:** Well, if it means your presence at the party, why not? I hope you don't mind. I've got a few other friends coming along.

**The Doctor:** The more the merrier as the poem, _"Pearl"_ likes to emphasize.

**John:** So how have things been? Are you still travelling? It's been some time since you said that.

**The Doctor:** Oh, no, I'm still travelling! But don't worry, London's on my way to another particular destination I'd like to take Rose to.

**_[Unknown Number has joined the conversation.]_**

**Unknown Number:** WRONG!

**The Doctor:** Eh?

**John:** Sherlock, is that you?!

**Sherlock:** That "Doctor" of yours likes to lie through his teeth. How can you say he's just as good as me? I beg to differ after coming up with 58 deductions.

**John:** Sherlock, you can't just eavesdrop and then suddenly butt in on MY conversations.

**Sherlock:** I'm not eavesdropping, I was merely satisfying my curiosity and hacking phone networks and devices wirelessly and you can't own a conversation. Conversations involve verbally interacting. You are merely communicating through digital means.

**The Doctor:** What about video calls?

**Sherlock:** I should not waste time communicating to you through text. John, get off your phone and get off your backside. I need you in the kitchen to make me some tea whilst I study some compounds. Mrs. Wishaw isn't just going to rise from the dead and tell me who stabbed her four times in the abdomen.

**John:** Doctor, I'm really sorry about Sherlock. He's been up and about trying to solve his fifteenth case of the week. I'll let you know about the party.

**The Doctor:** Blimey, fourteen cases solved already?

**John:** I know. It shocks everyone, doesn't it?

**The Doctor:** Woah, woah, woah… "Sherlock"? As in "Sherlock Holmes"?!

**John:** Oh, so you know quite a bit about him!

**The Doctor:** Yeah, I happened to stumble across your blog. "A Study in Pink". That's a rather... innovative name.

**Sherlock:** John, I thought I told you it was a rubbish name.

**John:** He said it was innovative!

**Sherlock:** He was LYING. Three dots before "innovative" is an ELIPSES and it's showing his hesitant thoughts.

**The Doctor:** Oh blimey…

**John:** Is that true, Doctor?

**Sherlock:** Really, John, what's the point in your blogs if you can't detail what happened in a case because of some ridiculous law thing?

**John:** It adds context. Gives people an idea about the real you.

**Sherlock:** How does it? And why should people want to know the real me? What's the point?!

**The Doctor:** … Are you two writing messages to each other when you're in the same room?

**Sherlock:** Oh, well done. I shall applaud for your utmost amazing deduction.

**Sherlock:** Sorry, Doctor. John has given me a look. Apparently that was rude.

**The Doctor:** You know… when you clap for me, you are repeatedly high-fiving yourself for my accomplishment. I learnt that from a close friend. :) That's a smiley face by the way.

**John:** Are we really doing this?! Do you think people will stop talking to each other face to face in the future?

**Sherlock:** That's something to live and hope for.

**The Doctor:** Oh, someone's the introvert…

**Sherlock:** John, come to the kitchen before your friend forces me to jump off a building.

**The Doctor:** … I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.


End file.
